Look at the size of that breast!

November 25th, 2003 by Oskar Kennedy

  For the first time ever, I took advantage of the fact that I’m living with someone who occasionally likes to eat food that doesn’t come in a cardboard carton. I redeemed the money we spend on groceries for a free turkey from our friendly neighborhood food mart. There is now a 19 1/2 pound shrink-wrapped dead bird in our freezer.
  I have no idea what we’re going to do with that much turkey. Conventional wisdom seems to indicate that, with appropriate side dishes, this monster should feed about 12 people. I don’t think we’ve had 12 visitors total since we moved in together, and we’ve certainly never had that many people here for a single meal. (I’d remember having to make someone eat in the bathroom.) I wonder if it’s possible to carve pieces off of it and prepare them, while keeping the rest of the carcass frozen.
  It makes me wonder what a tribe of Cro-Magnon would do after driving a herd of mammoth over a cliff and slaughtering them. There was no way they could’ve cooked and eaten the entire herd in one gluttonous night. They must have left a few haunches out in the snow, to carve up and cook on long winter nights, mustn’t they?
  Holy hell. How did I go from talking about our goofy-big turkey to researching another sequel to Clan of the Cave Bear. How do you people stand my meanderings? I have this vision of sitting down at my computer one day, only to be accosted by a bevy of torch wielding villagers, chanting “Burn the wandering monster! Stop him before he mixes another metaphor or butchers another allusion!”
  I think I’m going to buy a fire extinguisher.

spread the panic!
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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 25th, 2003 at 10:16 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.


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