A long-belated thank you to Rebecca and the rest of the free-thinking females over at Skepchick for graciously linking in my direction. I first discovered the Skepchicks through The Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe, and I’ve been a fan ever since.

  I’m neither as prolific nor as entertaining as the Skepchicks, but I try to do my small part to popularize rational thinking and objective inquiry. I’d humbly suggest that you might enjoy these recent items. Enjoy, and please comment if something amuses/offends/nauseates you.

  Two important things that the Eagles need to do if they want to win:

1) Score (some number) points.

2) Stop the other team from scoring more than (some number) points.

  It sounds obvious, but this is Philadelphia. The most basic lessons are often the ones that we fail to grasp.

RADIO: “The committee hopes to raise enough money to return the house to its original splendor.”

ME: “What does a crappy artificial sweetener have to do with restoring a historic home?”

The only consolation is that I didn’t say it out loud. Nobody else will know.

  And let me say, for a sprightly lass of 6,010, you’re still looking great. Don’t worry about that slight equatorial bulge. It happens to all of us after our mid-5,000s.

  A few years ago, I expressed my contempt for lavish entertainment industry awards shows by sniffing disdainfully at the Emmys. I compared the networks’ skill at creating quality television with my own (total lack of) skill at making crystal meth. As part of my snark, I ran a quick search for instructions on operating a meth lab, and linked to a couple of the pages that came up.

  Enter a group called 1800NoDrugs, which offers referral services for drug users looking to get into rehab. They’ve created a website at methamphetamines.org which, through clever use of keywords, comes up in a search for instructions on making meth. Budding entrepreneurs looking for an all cash opportunity, and desperate junkies looking to do a little homebrewing, go out on the web looking for help in setting up their labs and wind up getting advice on finding a residential treatment program.

  I’m all for a little subterfuge in the pursuit of helping drug addicts get clean. I don’t give a puddle of opiate-laced urine what people put into their bodies, but if a search for tips on manufacturing drugs misleads someone into getting help for a life-sodomizing dependency, that’s fine by me.

  The confusing bit is that, after the offer for help in finding a rehab program, methamphetamines.org lists other links for meth-making info. It’s as if the site is saying “Oops, sorry for wasting your time with an offer of potentially life-saving help. Here’s that information you wanted on using volatile chemicals to make an addictive substance.” Seriously? Make the wannabes go back to Google if they’re that determined to be drug kingpins.

  I’m flogging this particular equine-American because, by virtue of its included links, my long-ago Emmy-bashing post wound up in this list of “crystal meth making instructions Resources.” Which means that I get a few hits a week from people who are, one assumes, looking for help in playing Trailer Crack: The Home Game.

  So, here’s a friendly nod to the meth dealers and users wandering by. If the shakes subside long enough, feel free to browse around. Sorry, but you won’t find any drug manufacturing instructions here. And in case you’re wondering, I still don’t watch the Emmys.

EDIT: I have caved to popular pressure and posted a sure-fire recipe for making crystal meth. Start building your drug empire here.

LAW SCHOOL MUSICAL

Please scrupulously
honor the invocation
of Miranda rights.

Right to be silent
is invoked for each offense.
Ask about past crimes.

Right to have counsel
is custody specific.
No further questions.

EDIT: Okay, so this isn’t entirely correct. Under some circumstances, police can resume questioning about a crime even after the suspect invokes her right to remain silent, so the right isn’t purely crime-specific. The preceding stupid poem makes no representation of accuracy.