News Flash: the Georgia Bigfoot is 96% Possum

August 16th, 2008 by Scooter Grant

The guys whose accents and folksy backwoods outfits were too good to be true submitted two samples of their fake Bigfoot to real scientists for DNA testing. The result on the first sample: human hair. The result on the second sample: 96% opossum.

[Online-radio host and Sasquatch enthusiast Tom] Biscardi said the DNA samples may not have been taken correctly and may have been contaminated, and that he would proceed with an autopsy of the alleged Bigfoot remains, currently in a freezer at an undisclosed location.

(Emphasis mine.) This is hilarious, and I see two possibilities here. First, perhaps these wannabe hoaxers gave the scientists a handful of possum fur, figuring that no actual scientist would be able to tell. (As in, “Them city folk cain’t tell the diffrunce b’tween a possum and a bluetick houn’ dog, shee-it!”)

Ski-squatch

Actual photo of Sasquatch in its native habitat of Vancouver, B.C., Canada

Or maybe not. Maybe the more plausible explanation is that they put their Bigfoot in a chest freezer that’s been stocked with possum for the winter, and that’s how the sample got “contaminated.”

In any event, whatever they found can’t possibly be Bigfoot. Everybody knows that Bigfoot — like the tree octopus — lives in the Pacific Northwest, not in Georgia!

In other news, apparently that “cat found” poster that’s been all over the internets, the one where it says that the cat is really unfriendly because it “might be scared,” but it’s really an opossum in the picture, you know which one I mean — there’s more than one version kicking around. Another possum-related hoax. And worldwide! I’ve seen them from Sydney, Australia, to Los Angeles, USA. Won’t somebody think of the possums?

spread the panic!
[Ask] [Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark] [Google] [Mixx] [MySpace] [Newsvine] [Reddit] [Slashdot] [Sphere] [StumbleUpon] [Technorati] [Twitter] [Windows Live] [Yahoo!] [Email] More »

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 16th, 2008 at 12:23 pm and is filed under Panic!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.


Discussion (5)¬

  1. Oskar Kennedy says:
    August 16, 2008 at 12:47 pm

    Millions of people have traveled and hunted in North American forests since European settlers arrived on this continent. Before that, millions of native people lived there. Yet the bigfoot enthusiasts, who own a company that sells bigfoot merchandise, just happened to go on a hike and stumble across the body of a creature whose remains have never been found before.

    Also, they just got 3 million dollars from the family of a deposed Nigerian diplomat, and you won’t believe what these pills did to the size of their genitals.

  2. Waldorf Van Buren says:
    August 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Leave Sasquatch alone! She’s just very misunderstood. I had a drink with her in ‘96 when I was killing brain cells in many Ohio bars.

  3. Little Foot says:
    August 16, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    I watched a documentary in the 70’s or 80’s where this astronaut named Steve Austin found a cave where the Sasquatch lived. It turns out they are there to protect the aliens who are here watching us.

    Here is the link, for all of you who think they are not real…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qefQardXw

  4. Oskar Kennedy says:
    August 16, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    BWA HA HA HA HA! Thanks for the link, LF. That was great.

  5. Scooter Grant says:
    August 17, 2008 at 8:07 am

    @Little Foot — Oh, my god, that episode gave me nightmares when I was a kid and saw it!