It’s actually a puppet.

With my puppetry-powered vagina, I shall energize the base of Republican voters. They shall swoon and cry and see me as the second coming. They won’t need to know anything about me, except that I have a vagina and a strange accent.

With my puppetry-powered vagina, I shall condemn others, yet still play victim. I will claim conservatism, while opposing everything the word stands for.

With my puppetry-powered vagina, I shall fart out talking points distributed upon White House stationery.

With my puppetry-powered vagina, I shall deflect attention from the things that could lose the election for me (and that strange old man that gawks at my vagina-ness) – issues and substance.

All shall worship the puppetry-powered vagina. Only when it’s too late will you realize that my vagina is actually someone else’s penis, and that penis shall penetrate the anus of every American willfully with excessive force.

****

Can we stop helping her now?

spread the panic!

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