Archive for September 16th, 2008


I could never stay mad at you, COE.

I could never stay mad at you, COE.

September 16th, 2008

Kill This Trend: US Edition

September 16th, 2008 by Waldorf Van Buren

Some trends I find extremely annoying in our society and culture of mix-mosh…

  1. Old Republicans telling us what’s best for us: Stop telling everyone you are a conservative when you support such horrid deficit spending. Just shut up.
     
  2. Young Democrats telling us what’s best for us: Just shut up.
     
  3. Libertarians: Guys. Lighten up. Pricks like you claim the government will just fuck everything up, then you prove yourselves correct by electing a guy who, indeed, fucks everything up. You claim the free market will shake things out and resolve everything. Right. You make Feudal society look like Paradise. I have a hard time accepting that the free market (capitalism) will come to my aid (Police or Firemen) or prevent a corporation from raping a city, polluting its population, then moving to another country, leaving the former workers without health insurance, jobs, or self-esteem.
     
  4. Making celebrity from nothing at all: I’m talking about Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Survivor winners, reality show cretins, and Sarah Palin.
     
  5. Laws prohibiting Marijuana: Come on. 420! I don’t partake in the ganga…  anymore. Not since last century. It made me defensive and paranoid, though I suspect I’ve always been that way. I don’t know why Head Shops, Frito-Lay, and Philly Blunts don’t all thrown in to lobby to get this prohibition struck down. For more background, I’m against this prohibition and I am a cancer survivor(?) who isn’t able to partake because of shit in my lungs.
     
  6. Two party system: Just get rid of it. It’s old, tired, and way past its sell-by date. The clumps of sour, clotted milk take the form of politicians, and it takes a lot of study to see any difference between member of the two parties. A lot of people give Smokin’ Joe Lieberman a lot of heat for rim-jobbing, whoever he serves at the time. But while Joey strides the line as a “turncoat,” many of his current and former allies are just like him. They just prefer to have the happy little R or D by their names, probably because they have no opinions of their own.
     
  7. Pharmaceuticals: Can we stop with the drugs?! I take handfuls of drugs each day and I hate it! Each of these drugs has caused a slew of other side effects controlled by…  more drugs. Let’s wean ourselves off of the drug culture, because we are making ourselves mindless, dependent zombies.
     
  8. Oil, Gas, and Coal: Come on, already! End the run! It’s no longer cheap or efficient to use fossil fuels. Let’s find some alternative resources, because the truth is fossil fuels are not renewable and that means once they expire, they expire for good. Poking into the earth like an old, blind man at an orgy only provides a quick fix to the blind man. Overall, it will be pretty unsatisfying for everyone else.
     
  9. Global Warming “Skeptics”: Don’t give me the bullshit that you don’t “buy into the religion” of global Warming because one scientist had a datum error, Al Gore has a huge… electric bill, or that this August’s chill factor is proof that it doesn’t exist. Why so negative? It’s not like you, Joe Schmoe (of the Schenectady Schmoes), are directly benefiting from Global Warming (Atmospheric Cooling, Climate Change, etc.). In fact, I’m pretty sure the causes of this “supposed” Warming are also polluting the air you breathe, the water you drink, the earth you dig into, and the food you eat. Fire, however, seems unaffected.
     
  10. Unification of Church and State: If we meld church and state into one conglomerate, then God will be on our side. Not just any God, but God of America®.
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Anti-Abortion Activist Agitates Pro-Puppy Protestors*

September 16th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

Hundreds of dogs got to go for a ride in the car on Tuesday afternoon. They (and their owners) gathered outside the Pennsylvania state Capitol in Harrisburg for a rally in support of House Bill 2525. The legislation, sponsored by Representative James Casorio (D-Decent Human Being), would bring tighter regulation and improved minimum conditions to commercial kennels in the Pennsylvania, and hopefully start reforming the state’s lousy record of monitoring the dog breeding industry.

Supporters of the bill include the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the Humane Society of the U.S. and Annemarie Lucas of Animal Planet’s Animal Precinct. They’re trying to get some momentum behind the bill which, in true Pennsylvania legislative fashion, has been loaded down with more than a hundred amendments, promising hours of debate before a vote can even be contemplated.

Across the street from the demonstrators was a lone whackjob holding two large signs. He wasn’t a pro-breeding industry activist. He was an anti-choice crusader, waving large pictures of aborted fetuses and loudly bemoaning the fact that “all these people come out to support the puppies, but nobody will protect the unborn babies.”

He didn’t seem to care how incongruous he looked, or that nobody was paying him any attention, but he really didn’t like it when I laughed at his odd choice of venue. Unfortunately, I was walking at a fair pace through the crowd, and his response after “laughing man” was lost in the noise.

I’m sure the crazy, sign-wielding nutbag takes some consolation from the fact that he might not have to protest for much longer. If John McCain gets elected, he will end the federal right to safe, legal abortions. States like Pennsylvania, which has fought to the Supreme Court for the right to restrict abortion access, will have a field day banning the practice.

If you’re going to vote Republican this year, please be honest with yourself. There is no moderation on that ticket.

They will END the federal right of access to safe, legal abortion for EVERY woman.

There will be NO exceptions.

John McCain will NOT suddenly change his mind once he’s elected. Whatever slight rebellious streak McCain displayed in the past has been washed away by the cleansing fire of the Christian Right.  McCain has gotten religion and social conservatism branded on his prostate in order to get elected, and he’s not going to ignore that plank of his party’s platform once he’s elected.

McCain’s Supreme Court will make Roe v. Wade disappear like so much inaugural ball champagne.

So if you think that victims of rape and incest, or women whose health will be permanently damaged by pregnancy, should be forced to have babies, go ahead and vote McCain-Palin. And pray to whatever god you believe in (because, let’s face it, you wouldn’t be voting for them if you didn’t have a deity whispering in your ear) that your wife, mother, niece, sister or girlfriend is never forced to have her rapist’s baby.

* I am the king of alliterative titles.

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