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No. Just No.

September 18th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series of teen novels, has been commissioned to write a sixth Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy book.

Just. No.

I’ve never read Mr. Colfer’s work, but I’m told that it’s very good and very popular. Also, Douglas Adams’ widow has given her blessing to the project. She is reportedly “delighted that Eoin Colfer has agreed to continue the Hitchhiker series.” As a huge fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide, I don’t care one little itty bit.

Eoin Colfer could be the long-awaited Messiah of novelists, who will take all of the readers of quality literature into the air to be one with the almighty Word. Unless his job is to take dictation from the wandering spirit of Douglas Adams, then he should not be writing a Hitchhiker’s Guide book.

It could be that Adams’ family is destitute, and in immediate danger of being eaten by menacing sewer rats unless they get some money to buy a van in which they can live down by the Thames. Again, I do not care. If that’s the case, Mr. Colfer should donate to the family some portion of the proceeds from the Eleventy Kajillion books (and the film rights) that he’s sold, so they can buy the most luxurious van ever parked next to a river. He should not be writing a Hitchhiker’s Guide book.

Douglas Adams was brilliant, and his body of work stands as a testament to his creativity, his intelligence and his passionate humanity. It’s been seven years since his voice was stilled by his untimely death. Even now, I feel a small pain in my heart when I think about the fact that he’s gone.

Allowing another author to take over his most popular creation is only possible because he’s dead, and it cheapens the emotional context of his work. Rereading The Hitchhiker’s Guide, one knows that it’s finite. This collection of stories, that was so uniquely Douglas Adams, ended too early. Part of the experience of reading it will change considerably once it’s possible to continue to the post-Adams portion.

When this book is published, I will almost certainly read it. I will probably purchase it in hardcover, if only so it looks good on the shelf next to my Collected Hitchhiker’s Guide and The Salmon Of Doubt. I may even enjoy it. But no matter how close it comes to honoring, complementing or simulating Douglas Adams’ work, it will still be highly polished, professional fanfic.

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