Suburban Panic! » 2009 » February

February 2009
S	M	T	W	T	F	S
« Jan		Mar »
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28

Some Things I’ve Learned

February 17th, 2009 by Oskar Kennedy

In the nearly ten days I’ve been a father, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share with you, in lieu of posting anything of real interest or substance. Once finals are over, I swear I’ll post more. In the meantime, I’ve added a dozen new pictures of Emery’s first week to my flickr account. Enjoy.

I Have Learned That:

Newborn babies make the most mundane things adorable. Sneezing and yawning become brain-explodingly sweet. I know that this is most likely my genes hijacking my brain, but I am nonetheless helpless in the face of teh cute.
If you’re already the kind of person who has trouble falling asleep, staying asleep and going back to sleep when awakened by the tiniest sound, motion or change in atmospheric pressure, adjusting to a newborn’s sleep schedule isn’t quite as traumatic as everyone says.
The dimensions of one’s belly button are not, it turns out, determined by how the umbilicus is cut after delivery. You’re born with one or the other, and it takes its pre-determined shape when the remains of the cord dry up and fall off.
Nicknames really do just happen. I started calling my daughter “Wriggle Monster,” and now I’m hearing other people use it as well.
I have ceased to be interesting at all, except as the father of the cutest baby in the multiverse. It happened so fast that I suspect I wasn’t particularly interesting to begin with.
When I hear parents tell their toddlers to “shut up and stop crying,” it makes me physically ill, and grateful that I don’t regularly carry a hammer. ‘Cause if I did, I’d hammer all over this land, where by this land, I mean the skull of the lady on the blue line last week.
Lovely Wife manages to be beautiful, despite fatigue, anxiety and post-surgery pain. Weaker sex, my pale, flabby ass.

spread the panic!