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Vaccination Celebration

May 11th, 2009 by Oskar Kennedy

Here’s an idea for countering the hysteria of anti-vaccination cranks, and (maybe) helping to alleviate some of the anxiety felt by parents and kids alike when it’s time to let someone jab a sharp, metal object into your defenseless child. Vaccination Day celebrations. Every time your child gets vaccinated, bake her a cake and invite some friends over to eat snacks and congratulate her.

Does that sound not entirely unreasonable to anyone else? It might not be terribly practical for the earliest shots. Your one-month-old won’t know what’s going on, and the purpose would largely be defeated if she catches a cold from one of your dirty friends. But for your older kid? Come on. What would she like more than a non-birthday excuse to get whacked out on sugary drinks and run around with her friends? (For diabetic children, replace “sugary drinks” with “healthy choices.”) And can you think of a better way to appease her after a painful trip to the doctor than with a party to celebrate her bravery?

Ask your grandparents about polio sometime. It was some scary shit.

I have even put my formidable genius to work thinking up games for your vaccine parties. I suggest ordering some Giant Microbes in the shapes of vaccine-preventable organisms. Your guests can play a version of Hot Potato, where they pass the cuddly bugs around instead of a tennis ball. If the music stops on a child who hasn’t been vaccinated against that particular illness, he has to pretend to be dead. If the “loser” has had the applicable shot, she gets to stay in the game. It’s fun, educational, and kind of morbid, like pretty much everything in Grimm’s Fairy Tales.

So come on, skeptical parents (and other rational relatives). The next time a young person that you care about goes to the doctor for a vaccination, consider inviting the herd over to raise a glass (of juice) to your collective immunity. Thanks to modern vaccines, the chances of your son or daughter reaching adulthood without being crippled or killed by illness is far lower than it was only a few generations ago. I can’t think of many better reasons to celebrate.

spread the panic!