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(Even More) Collected Observations

July 21st, 2009 by Oskar Kennedy

Bar exam, bar exam, blah blah blah bar exam. Blah blah bar exam, blah bar, blah exam. Bar exam, blah blah BAR EXAM! B-b-b-baaaaaaaaar eeeexxxxaaaaaaaaammmm. Bar exam.

I listen to my iPod on the bus to work, and then whatever shitty lite rock song is playing at the corner store where I buy my bagel invariably gets jammed in my brain like a barbed fishing hook all day. Today’s ear-syphilis was that Natasha Bedingfield song that appears to be about a lazy author standing outside in the rain. It actually isn’t a bad tune, but it was utterly ruined by 18 months as the backing track for every commercial that was even vaguely woman-themed. It feels as though my brain is trying to sell me hygiene products with ribbons of pink lotion in them.
My post-bar exam project is gathering steam. The biggest problem now is that I find myself making notes and brainstorming about it when I should be studying. As though I needed to make concentrating more difficult.
If you start a group that has regular meetings, don’t assume that everyone will just know when you meet. If you start a local chapter of Ball-fondling Enthusiasts, and you don’t make at least a cursory attempt to get the word out, you waive the right to get pissed off if someone organizes a meeting of Testicle Ticklers that conflicts with your meeting time.
You know you’re a new parent when the sexiest thing your spouse can say to you is “the baby is asleep.”
Also, if you’ve recently gotten to work before noticing that you have spit-up on your shirt.
Scotch exists on a continuum of quality that varies, from terrible to transcendent, more wildly than perhaps any other drink.
If you simultaneously release your crappy homemade movie on YouTube for free, and a video-on-demand site where people have to pay to watch it, nobody is going to watch the paid version. Entertainment consumers do not exist for the sole purpose of sending you beer money. If you put a trailer on YouTube, you might convince a few people to pay for the full movie. But only if it’s, you know, good. (Chances are that it’s not.)
If we’re all created in the image of god, god must have a remarkably fluid morphology.
In fact, god must be like the end of Michael Jackson’s “Black Or White” video. Only not dominated by thin, attractive people.
Now that we’ve moved, the people on the new bus I take to work are, on average, far more attractive than the people on my old bus. Then again, I’m spending most of the ride with my nose buried in an outline, so my gaze may just be coincidentally lighting on better looking people when I happen to glance up.
After you move a clock radio, you should always check its settings before you go to bed. Otherwise, you’re liable to wake up 45 minutes late because the radio station is no longer tuned in, the volume is turned almost all the way down, and you’ve been sleeping with a gentle whisper of static.