Q: zOMG, WTF?

A: Suburban Panic! is the latest iteration of a website that’s been around in some form or another since 2000. It’s been an online newspaper, an electronic portfolio, a vanity file hosting service, an artblog and a front for a Ukranian monkey laundering outfit.

Q: What do you think you’re doing?

A: We’re alternately: 1) trying to foster critical thinking by analyzing issues in the news from a skeptical perspective, 2) waving the flag of rationality in a world overrun by fuzzy thinking, 3) exposing the dangers that blind belief and dogmatic faith pose to individuals and societies, and D) doing our best to whistle cheerfully as we wander through the blasted wasteland of absurdity that is the Internet. We’re also trying to be entertaining along the way, at least to ourselves.

Q: Whose stupid idea was this?

A: Suburban Panic! was the stillborn brainchild of Oskar Kennedy and some old friends. It was originally conceived as a parody newspaper back in the late 90s, until somebody noticed that the Onion was already doing that, and doing it brilliantly.

Q: What’s all the “Little Bald” nonsense going on in the archives?

A: Oskar Kennedy’s first attempt at serial blogging was based on an advice column he wrote for his college magazine, called Ask The Little Bald Bastard. Because he is a pointless completionist, he insisted on importing the old entries from that site into this one.

Q: Don’t you know how offensive you’re being?

A: If you take anything so seriously that you can’t stand to see it mocked absolutely everty-ever, this isn’t the place for you. This goes triple if the thing you’re getting defensive about is something you’ve never seen with your own eyes.

Q: Do you censor comments from people who disagree with you?

A: Here are some things to keep in mind when commenting here. 1) Rational, reasoned debate is healthy and encouraged. 2) No comment will ever be deleted just because the author is wrong. 3) This is NOT a democracy. You have no freedom of speech here. Feel free to disagree with opinions expressed in posts or comments, but do it with a modicum of respect. If you’re a douchebag, you’re bounced. No process, no appeal. It’s not fair, it’s Internet.

Q: [Author name X] isn’t your real name, is it?

A: Very astute. The contributors here have all been on the Internet for more than an hour, and they’re smart enough not to use their real names when writing there. That only works for P.Z. Myers, whose job is apparently controversy-proof.

Q: Are you all godless atheists?

A: You don’t have to be an atheist to respect the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, or to oppose the teaching of religious doctrines in science classes, or to believe that freedom of religion should include the freedom to not worship anything.

Q: Aren’t you worried about going to hell?

A: If hell existed, it would certainly be scary. Luckily, we live in reality, where hell is just as real, and just as scary, as a crack-dealing Loch Ness monster.

Q: How exactly do you cobble all this together?

A: Suburban Panic! is published with WordPress, and managed with the excellent ComicPress theme. Everything else is done by the seat of our collective pants.

Q: Why is there always a lame drawing at the top of the page?

A: It’s the way the page is set up. The most recent comic appears at the top, and the blog posts continue below it. It’s my website, and I’ll indulge my self-delusions of creativity if I want to.

Q: You don’t mind if I take a look in your trunk, do ya?

A: I do not consent to a search, officer.