Suburban Panic!

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I love the 00s.

March 21st, 2004 by Oskar Kennedy

Man. I should not ever watch TV. Amy’s been watching the second round of “I Love The 80s” on VH1, and it was pretty cool. I am suitably ashamed of growing up in the 80s, and I remember enough of it to be able to laugh at myself and my contemporaries. In short, it’s a good time. So, when we turned on the TV this morning, and “I Love 1974″ was on, we thought it would be fun, too. And it was. Until noon, when “1975″ came on.
I was born in 1975, and that year sucked ass. Everything about it was awful. It’s gotten so bad that Amy has taken to yelling out when the infrequent good things, like Jaws and “Saturday Night Live” show up. She can see my humiliation and shame at the suckitude of my birth year, and she is valiantly trying to bolster my spirits. She’s cool like that. But, god damn. There was so much about 1975 that sucked.
For me, the thing that really sums it up is something that VH1 overlooked. In 1975, there were no new quarters. “What?” you’re saying. “That’s… hang on a minute.” Don’t worry, I’ll wait while you sort through the change in your swear jar. Look all you want. You’re not going to find a 1975 quarter. Why? Because the U.S. Mint was too busy gearing up to crank out bicentennial quarters, so they decided to skip the series 1975. If you buy one of the boxes that contains a mounted set of all the coins from a certain year, the 1975 box has a 1976 bicentennial quarter in it. The Mint knew that 1975 sucked, so they decided to skip it altogether. 19 years later, I spent an entire summer searching through the change I got pumping gas before I found out the truth. It made me a sad, quarterless panda.

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