Suburban Panic!

July 2010
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Cher is stalking me.

February 10th, 2006 by Oskar Kennedy

I swear, that song If I Could Turn Back Time is following me around. I keep hearing bits of it; it’s playing in stores, on TV and on co-workers’ computers. If Cher is using her magical chronological powers to drive me mad with that song, she’s either really lame or fiendishly clever.

Let’s turn this into a fun game. Fill in the blank: If I could turn back time, I’d ________

If I could turn back time, I’d go back to high school and get a fucking haircut once in awhile. My head looked like an explosion at a mullet party for a long, long time.

spread the panic!