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Economics 101

September 11th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

What’s the real lesson from the sub-prime mortgage mess? If you’re going to fuck up in America, fuck up BIG. If you fuck up, take out a loan you can’t afford, fall behind on your mortgage and lose your house, nobody gives a mouse’s balls. If you fuck up, underwrite millions of bad loans and get so deep in the hole that you’re hearing kangaroos mate, you’ll be such a threat to the entire economy that the federal government will climb up on your desk, drop its red-and-white-striped pants and shit out a trillion dollars just to fix your mistake.

There’s been a lot of talk about history, and how increased knowledge of said correlates with an ability to avoid repeating it. I’d suggest that the executives at Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae took a long look at the Savings and Loan crisis, analyzed the government response, and said something that amounted to “full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. If the economy tries to punch us in the sack, the government will deflect the blow with its soft, sensual (and conveniently located) mouth.”

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└ Tags: appalling, bailout, crisis, economy, fuck up, house, money, mortgage

(Depressing) Thought For The Day

September 22nd, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

In dire economic times like these, the only truly dependable asset isn’t gold. It’s ammunition.

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└ Tags: ammunition, bad, economy, gold

Waldorf’s Week in Review

October 3rd, 2008 by Waldorf Van Buren

Sorry, dear reader(s) for the long-ass break. I could come up with tremendous excuses, rants, lies, and otherwise made up stuff about why I was out for so long, but the truth is I just haven’t found anything compelling enough to write about.

Until this week, however. . .

Thus Waldorf’s Week in Review–

Like many of my other ideas, I’m sure this one will plummet from the heights I aspired to into the depths of reality, but I shall press on and beat a dead horse. If I’ve learned anything from TV, it’s that I need to pound my points home relentlessly and make my opinion seem like fact, which shouldn’t be too hard. That, and giving up is for Democrats (see note below).

So I give you my take on the week’s events with or without facts. You know, biblically.

(–) To Sarah Palin and the Republicans. I heard so much about how expectations were lowered for the debate Thursday evening, and lowered, and lowered, and lowered. Then, this morning, the Repunditry showered her with glowing reviews because, basically, she didn’t fuck up as much as they thought she would. She just needed to show “basic competency” at the debate. Well, that’s just super-fantastic. Can I have that job? Since when does No Child Left Behind apply to Presidential Candidates?

(-) To Democrats waiting to see if Biden would fuck up by speaking his mind. What the fuck? Why not just pretape messages spoken by computer synthesis instead of actually having candidates with views, opinions, and thoughts not quite mainstream? Come on, Dems, you are better than that, aren’t you?

(-) To Palin at the debates. I couldn’t get past the “Fargo Factor” (she sounds like an extra from the movie) or the snarky, smug grin.

(+) to Biden, for showing class and poise at the debates even while stretching the truth (comparatively Biden’s truth-stretching was like trying to fit into a pair of jeans two sizes too small while Palin was trying to put Jumpsuit Elvis in a condom). But seriously, I thought he looked and sounded and acted a lot more. . . “Presidential” than any of the other three.

(+) To the Obama Campaign for recently showing two ads in the Greater Philadelphia Metropolitan area that did not attack his opponent. I think that’s FANTASTIC that the ads were issue and policy based. Well, one does have a dig or two about McCain, but they are far from the venomous attack ads put forth by the Republicans.

(–) Boo on the McCain camp for pulling out of Michigan. You’d never cut and run in Iraq!

(—) Boo on Republicans and Democrats for that crappy-ass “rescue” package. What the fuck are you thinking? I’m all for more regulation (I guess that means I’m for big government) of industries, and now so is John McCain (I guess that means he is for Big Government, too!), but I’m also for not screwing the Middle Class on a daily basis. The whole thing stinks like three-day old smelt and it distracts from the real issue – people are losing jobs. Normally companies sheds jobs near the end of the year to give their stocks a boost and their CEOs a bonus. This year the stocks will go nowhere but the CEOs will still smoke cigars wrapped in Franklins. (See, I’m so Middle Class that I think burning a Hundred is a travesty!)

(—) BOO on the idiots who keep chanting that the economic crisis is because of deadbeat mortgage holders (b-Prime Debtors). Hey shit for brains – all of you – turn off Fox News for a second. The economy has been shedding jobs for a few years now, the economic stimulus went to savings accounts, the tax breaks did NOT create any new jobs or stimulate the economy, and we are still getting raped daily by high insurance premiums that won’t cover a lot of what ails us. Excuse me, I’m foaming. . .

(+) I taught some fifth-graders yesterday and they were awesome!

(-) To anyone who says “Joe Six-Pack” in an unsatirical way.

(EVEN) To Fox for the first cancellation of a Prime-Time show this season – Do Not Disturb. While the cast looked promising, I admit it was Down the Shore bad and my only boo to Fox is that they should have axed it sooner, like before the first episode aired. My prediction is that the next three cancellations will be Worst Week, Gary Unmarried, and My Own Worst Enemy.

(-) Neil Diamond. Seriously. Come on. I don’t care if he is considered “hip” to a generation raised on Nick Hornby. I can’t stand him.

(—-) Broadway stealing from movies for the next hit vehicle. High Fidelity, now? Come on, Big Wig Producers, get someone to write something original! I understand Rodgers and Hammerstein (and Sondheim) also stole a lot of material, but at least they put new clothes on the stories.

That’s all I’ve got for this week. I’m sure next week will be more of the same.

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└ Tags: Barack Obama, Broadway, debate, economy, education, hiatus, Joe Biden, John McCain, minus, movies, plus, politics, Sarah Palin, theater, TV, week, Week In Review

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