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Evidence: Creationists Are Doing It Wrong

April 6th, 2009 by Oskar Kennedy

We’re going to illustrate a common misuse of evidence by resorting to one of my favorite rhetorical tropes: the television police procedural, or the Law & Order example.

The tough but secretly sensitive detectives of Law & Order: Zoo Patrol are on the case. A rare primate, a librarian orangutan, has been found murdered in his book-filled enclosure at the Manhattan Animal Sanctuary. The orangutan was recently acquired by the zoo, after he was confiscated in a raid of an illegal animal smuggling ring.

The Zoo Patrol detectives have two prime suspects: the smuggler, who’s out on bail and looking for revenge, and the husband of the zoo’s head primatologist, who has exhibited increasing hostility toward the animals that are occupying all of his wife’s time.

During an initial interview, the animal smuggler is extremely hostile. It turns out that he was busted because the orangutan dialed 911. In response to the orangutan’s frantic “ook, oook,” the dispatcher sent police, who arrested the smuggler and confiscated his animals. The smuggler is looking at a 20 year prison sentence.

The detectives start digging into the smuggler’s life. They [long, boring description redacted], and discover that the smuggler has an airtight alibi. (Since this is Law & Order, he was probably cheating on his wife/boyfriend/Real Doll, and lied to keep her/him/it from finding out.) There’s no way he could have broken into the zoo and killed the orangutan.

The impossibly slim and beautiful Assistant District Attorney looks at the detective’s report. She knows the smuggler is innocent. She looks up, eyes narrowing. “Arrest Mr. Primatologist, and charge him with ape-icide.” The detectives hustle into the car and drive off, to surprise their new prime suspect and arrest him in a public place. Right?

WRONG. It’s wrong because of a logical fallacy called the false dilemma, and a related misunderstanding of evidence that is appalingly common. (more…)

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