Suburban Panic!

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Porno. Yeah, that’s right, I SAID it.

October 30th, 2008 by Jenn DiSanto

I noticed last night that the commercials for Zack and Miri Make a Porno have started referring to it as just “Zack and Miri.” And it’s not like it was even during the early evening when your precious little offspring might be watching. This was around 11:30 p.m.

I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, free speech (!!!). On the other… no, you know what? Screw that. I think we can all handle explaining to a child that “porno” is like “hell” or “damn” or “douchebag” or any other word they hear at 6 p.m. on network TV. It’s a word that is not to be said in your kindergarten classroom. (And for the record, how many times has TBS replayed the episode of Friends where the guys get free porn? How many times is the word “porn” used, and that’s perfectly fine for early evening “family time” fare?)

Also? If asked, just tell your curious little ankle-biter the truth: “A ‘porno’ is a movie for grownups, and it may or may not also feature animals, and bad hair in every area imaginable.” What’s the big kerfuffle?!

I would not, however, recommend telling them about that Pirates porn flick. I think it might create a smidge of cognitive dissonance with the kid-friendly pirate marketing that Disney has worked so hard on. Heh. I said “hard on.”

I digress.

I’m going to be a horrible parent. My kid’s going to drink 10 Mountain Dews a day and go to school with gum in his hair and know what a porno is. Excellent. Where’s THAT bumper sticker?

spread the panic!