I do love science, but science reporting sometimes drives me to drink until I can’t resist the urge strip naked, cover myself in maple syrup and start hurling profanity and small children at the Internet.
For instance, have you ever wondered why you sometimes jerk awake suddenly just as you’re about to drift off to sleep? I know I have. When I saw the lead to this story, I was compelled to read it, because it sounded like someone had come up with an explanation.
Nope. Not so much.
As it turns out, doctors and scientists are still absolutley clueless about the cause of this involuntary nocturnal spasm. The good news is, they’ve finally managed to name it. The phenomenon is now called “Sleep Start.” Which is good, because “Demons Possess Me When I Sleep” was factually and spiritually inaccurate, as well as a mouthful to say. Now that “Sleep Start” has standard nomenclature, I can go back to using the possession bit as the basis of an insanity plea, instead of wasting it on frivolous things like twitching myself out of bed once in awhile.
I bet you didn’t know that physicians used to prescribe orgasms for women as a treatment for hysteria since the days of Hippocrates. 20th century morality did away with the administration of “hysterical paroxysm” in the ’20s.
1. Dr. Henry Heimlich, purported inventor of the famed and (I shit you not) registered trademark “maneuver” for rescuing choking victims is still alive.
I don’t know why, but I always assumed that such a simple procedure must have been invented in the 19th century. Based on the last name, I pictured a humble Bavarian physician, decked out in lederhosen and suspenders. While knocking back a pint at a rural ale house, he rushed to the aid of one of the town volk who was choking on a bit of bratwurst. Thanks to his quick thinking, his technique became the namesake maneuver, and his improvised flailings (and maybe the bit of horked-up sausage) were preserved for posterity.
As it turns out, the maneuver was first described in the mid-70s. Although it is still taught as a remedy for choking, it isn’t the recommended first treatment. Dr. Heimlich was born in Delaware in 1920, and doesn’t seem to be particularly humble. Or Bavarian.
2. Dr. Heimlich has been dogged by allegations of fraud.
One of Dr. Heimlich’s most persistent critics is his son, Peter Heimlich. Among the allegations he levels against his father is the charge that the famous technique was appropriated from Dr. Heimlich’s long time colleague, Dr. Edward Patrick.
3. Dr. Heimlich may be completely, dangerously, batshit insane.
Dr. Heimlich advocates the use of his system of abdominal thrusts to treat drowning victims, despite much evidence that such use is dangerous and potentially fatal. Most obviously crazy, though, is his insistence that he can cure HIV/AIDS with an injection. Of malaria.
Dr. Heimlich, who has no training as an immunologist, seriously believes that he can cure AIDS, as well as cancer and Lyme disease, by injecting patients with malaria. In support of this hypothesis, he’s conducted ethically suspect trials with HIV patients in China and Africa. One of the conditions of those trials was that participants couldn’t receive any other treatment, either for their HIV or the symptoms of their malaria infections.
This is what I get for relying on Eddie Izzard for information about a public figure.
I’m not about to say that my hour of casual reading amounts to a definitive case, but there is a good bit of evidence of a disconnect between Dr. Heimlich’s self-promoted legacy and the details of his actual career in public health. If you think I’m wrong, feel free to argue.
, I was compelled to read it, because it sounded like someone had come up with an explanation.![[Ask]](http://suburbanpanic.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/ask.png)
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