Posts Tagged ‘holiday’


Cinco de Mayo

May 5th, 2005 by Oskar Kennedy

Huh. It’s 05/05/05. Go figure.

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Everyone should be self-confident.

March 8th, 2006 by Oskar Kennedy

  Everyone should walk around all the time thinking they’re awesome. Seriously. 

  Think about it. They would feel great about themselves, walking around feeling awesome. Wouldn’t that be fun?
  Lest you think this would only be good for everyone else, take heart! There’s a benefit for you, as well. If the people you know really are awesome, than you get to spend time with awesome people. If they’re not, you get the fun of laughing at tools who think they’re great. It’s a win-win situation if there ever was one!

  From now on, every day is World Awesome Day™.

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I’m Not Cool Enough To Pretend This Isn’t Exciting…

March 21st, 2007 by Oskar Kennedy

  Wired.com’s Table of Malcontents is one of my favorite blogs, and one of the few that I make sure to read every day. (RSS rules.) ToM celebrated last week’s Steak and a Blowjob day with a contest to let readers create a holiday of their own, and a winner was me!

  I proposed Flame Shame Day, an annual day when people who post nasty comments on blogs and message boards are required to spend one minute thinking about how their snarkity affects the people it’s directed against. The ToM staff liked the idea, and they’re sending me a card to celebrate.

  Even if you don’t want to read my winning entry, you should still check out Table of Malcontents. Odd, interesting, amusing and amazing nuggets from the farthest corners of the Internets are always on the ToM menu. Enjoy! LBB commands it!

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Fertility Rites? What Fertility Rites?

April 8th, 2007 by Oskar Kennedy

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Why do we celebrate Easter with chocolate eggs and bunnies but NOT with chocolate depictions of the Lord? Wouldn’t Chocolate Mini-Christs make more sense? Can you get in touch with the fine folks at Reese’s and get this going?

  Chocolate Christ be with you,
- Jenn

Dear Jenn,
  Back when it was trying hard to supplant the ancient, tree-humping pagan faiths, the church co-opted the festivals and symbols that the potential converts were comfortable with and repurposed them into its new, monotheistic mythology. This is why a type of tree Jesus could never have seen has become a symbol of his birth, and why we pretend that Middle Eastern shepherds would have been hanging out on a hillside in late December.

  To paraphrase Eddie Izzard, the bunnies are for shagging, and the eggs are for fertility. They’re holdovers from ancient rituals that celebrated the coming Spring, and tried to influence the Universe to grant the tribe a successful planting, and a fruitful subsequent harvest. Dozens of generations later, chocolate eggs and bunnies have the inertia of tradition working in their favor. Coloring eggs and biting off long chocolate ears have become as natural to the faithful as ignoring homeless people on the street.

  Chocolate religious depictions do exist, but it’s doubtful that they’ll ever eclipse the old Easter symbols. And really, what reason is there to change now? It’s not like there’s a huge underground contingent of disgruntled nature worshipers out there, grimly strapping on explosive belts and vowing to get their bunnies back. Plus, eating something with a human face is a little odd. Especially if it’s a lifesize, anatomically correct human. I mean, where does one start?

  I’m sure that, in a less taboo-laden future, psychologists will be able to discern interesting things about where one chooses to begin eating a chocolate human sculpture. Until then, I’m going to register my discomfort with eating a chocolate scrotum, and leave it at that.

[x-posted from Ask The Little Bald Bastard]

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Hey, Hallmark

February 12th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

Time to get on the stick. February 12th is Darwin Day, and I don’t see a card. Jerks.

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