Let’s talk about Matthew Lincoln, the 58-year-old Tennessee man who’s suing his former church. After praying to have “a real experience” while worshiping, Mr. Lincoln was so overwhelmed by his faith that he fell down and hit his head. Twelve months and two surgeries later, he’s still experiencing leg and back pain. When the church’s insurance company refused his claim, Mr. Lincoln sued. He’s asking for payment of his medical bills, wages lost when he was unable to work, and pain and suffering, all of which he values at $2.5 million.

Comment on this story has run along two major themes: “He got what he prayed for,” and “He should blame god, not the church.” I figured that Mr. Lincoln surrendered to the will of his chosen deity, so he should rock his injuries Job-style, and accept his suffering as the whim of that deity.

It’s a little like every story ever written about wish-granting genies. You ask for a whole lot of pudding, and a tanker truck carrying a ton of tapioca crashes into your house. You get what you wished for, with a side dish of zero sympathy. I assumed that a court would set Mr. Lincoln on fire before it awarded him any money.

(more…)

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• Archaeologists find an ancient bowl with an engraving that claims Jesus was magic. (Ancient weed “totally bogarted.”)
• New Humanist suspects that Sarah Palin may be downplaying her actual creationist beliefs. (Also suspects water might be just as wet as claimed.)
• Another transitional fossil, a fish with rudimentary fingers, rudely insists on existing. (Creationists celebrate creation of two new gaps in fossil record.)
• Lawsuit against operation of Large Hadron Collider dismissed by U.S. court. (Lawyer for Mad Scientist lobby unavailable for comment.)

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• Lawsuit against god dismissed, because defendant doesn’t have an address. (How an omnipresent, omniscient entity can avoid service is beyond me.)
• Texas Freedom Network starts an online petition drive to protect science education standards in the Lone Star State. (Is anyone else skeptical that they have standards left to protect?)
• The Bush Department of Justice is prosecuting an Iowa man for owning naughty drawings. (Eagerly awaiting technology which will allow them to lock people up for thinking dirty thoughts.)
• Supreme Court refuses to stop execution of Georgia man. (In 21st century America, executing an innocent man isn’t cruel or unusual. It’s a great time to be alive.)

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• Scientists build RNA-based chemical computers that react to changes in individual cells. (Possible applications include single-cellular surgery, tattooing of internal organs.)
• New book examines Einstein’s life and works by examining his many, many mistakes. (At last, Einstein and George W. Bush have something in common.)
• Joe Biden claims that “jobs” is a three-letter word. (Senator Biden, meet Albert Einstein. Have you been introduced to President Bush?)
• Pennsylvania Republicans file suit against ACORN for collecting false voter registrations that ACORN has already told the government about. (Poor people voting. It’s almost as bad as that “hip-hop” stuff they call music.)

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• Despite economic woes, rate of church attendance remains flat. (Perhaps staying at home to pray for a new job is just as useful.)
• Former tech company workers, fired for refusing to take Scientology courses, suing for unfair dismissal. (Being a religion means never having getting to say “condition of employment.”)*
• Cornell University scientist discovers potentially dangerous levels of lead in Christmas lights. (Conservatives decry “war on poison.”)
• Website of Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church is suddenly a tad less homophobic. (Stance that all nonbelievers will burn in a lake of fire for all enternity remains unrevised.)

* Alternate comment: Would you like a free personality test? No? You’re fired.

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