Posts Tagged ‘memory’


You know what’s awful?

October 29th, 2003 by Oskar Kennedy

  My birthday is tomorrow. For a moment, I honestly could not remember how old I’m going to be. I had to resort to the actual subtraction. This is a disturbing state of affairs, and I’m not sure if it’s attributable to honest absent-mindedness, or some kind of subconscious denial. Either way, it’s disconcerting.
  Thought for the day: Cellphones make us stupid. (Before you get all huffy, Huffy McHufferton, I said us. I too have one of these little demon boxes, and it’s slowly eroding my cognitive functions.)
  Now, stay with me here. This isn’t some kind of rant about how rude it is to sustain a cellphone conversation while conducting a retail transaction. That burns my ass, but that’s annoyance. No, I’m talking about a genuinely anxious feeling that overuse of a modern convenience is making me noticeably dumber.
  My basic fear is that having access to otherwise unavailable information is allowing people to cede reasoning in favor of instant communication. Consider this scenario. You go to the video store to rent a romantic comedy for your girlfriend, because you’re a sweet guy, who isn’t above doing a nice thing to increase your odds of nookie. You get to the store, and the movie that your snugglebunny wants to see has been rented to extinction. What do you do?
  Before the cellphone, you had to make a decision. You had to figure, based on your knowledge of your partner’s taste, the type of movie, the recognizable actors, the available titles, and how serious you were about that nookie, what movie to choose as an alternative. At the very least, you had to have planned ahead with a list of acceptable substitutes. Now, in the age of connectedness, you can just call home and ask. Ain’t nobody got to do any cogitatin’ at all.
  It’s the same thing at the grocery store. They don’t have regular Oreos? Don’t worry! You don’t have to sweat, wondering if Double Stuffs are a good go-to cookie. (Yes they are, FYI.) You can just call and ask! Did you get separated from your friends in line for the big music festival? Don’t bother trying to figure out where they’d be likely to congregate. Call and ask! Don’t surprise your roommate with an after-work snack that might not be her favorite. Call and ask! Don’t ever, ever make an independent judgement or decision without checking with someone first. Don’t bother to learn anyone’s tastes, or try to puzzle out what they’d do in your shoes. Don’t take responsibility for anything! CALL AND ASK! *pant pant pant*
  I’m sure this sounds like neo-Luddite nonsense, a badge of my advancing fogey-hood. I’ll admit, I’m not exactly riding the edge of the emerging technology curve. Hell, I didn’t send my first cellphone text message until last November. But I do use my cellphone, and it often is invaluable for making life more convenient, safer, and a little easier. Still, whenever I find myself calling instead of thinking, I can’t help but wonder if I’m surrendering a bit of my mental capacity in favor of the lazy brain’s information express.
  Hang on while I call and ask my girlfriend.

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True tales of trueness.

December 30th, 2003 by Oskar Kennedy

  Tonight, I had the following conversation with my eight-year old cousin Jackie. She was sitting on the couch at my parent’s house, looking at the new calendar my mother bought her for Christmas.
JACKIE: Hey, what day is my birthday?
ME: You mean the date?
J: No, what DAY is it?
M: You mean which day of the week?
J: Yeah.
M: Um, I don’t know. Sunday.
J: No! Wrong!
(At this point, I tried to move in and look where she was pointing.)
J: Hey! No way!
M: I just want to know what month it is.
J: It’s between Tuesday and Friday.
M: Hm. Uh, Wednesday?
J: Right. How come you don’t know what month my birthday is?
M: I don’t know. I just don’t remember.
J: You should know that! You’ve known me for eight years!
M: Well, you’ve known me for eight years too, and you don’t know mine. When is yours, anyway?
J: October 6th.
M: Mine is in October, too. The 30th.
J: I KNEW IT WAS IN OCTOBER!
M: Well, Jackie, you are very smart. I am very dumb. You are very cute, I am not at all attractive. You are very strong, I am weak and wimpy.
J: Wait, I’m stronger than you?
M: (laughs heartily)
J: Why is everything I say so funny?
M: Because, a strong sense of irony is not something you’ve developed at age eight.
J: What?
M: Let’s just say that, in 10 or 15 years, I’m going to tell you all about this conversation, and we’ll have a good laugh.
J: But what if you forget?

  She is smarter than me.

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Links For Brains: 10/24/2008

October 24th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy
  • New study supports method of safe, selectively targeted memory deletion. (Lab mice petition for “All of High School” setting.)
  • FDA approves magnetic brain stimulator to treat depression. (Douchebags with useless magnetic bracelets suddenly a tad more smug.)
  • Columnists points out how American secularists are excluded from the national conversation. (We’re sitting in the corner of the national lunchroom, talking smack about the national popular kids.)
  • New study supports method of safe, selectively targeted memory deletion. (Lab mice clamoring for “My Horrible Ex” setting.)
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