Posts Tagged ‘MySpace’


How To Hate The Internet

April 15th, 2007 by Oskar Kennedy

A Young Lady’s Primer

1. Receive Friend Request from stranger on fucking MySpace.

2. View suspiciously professional looking headshot.

3. Suspect spambot.

4. Attempt to discern if requester is a real person; open requester’s profile.

5. Forget that speakers are powered on.

6. Claw frantically at head as horrible, grating pop song, obnoxious, eye-watering layout and promises of “more naughtier pics at my site” cause brainmeats to sublimate and stream from head holes.

7. Wait for seizures to abate.

8. Decline Friend Request.

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Tom’s Billionth Imaginary Friend Has Issues

April 16th, 2007 by Oskar Kennedy

Dear MySpace,

  Why in hell do I have to have my “Zodiac sign” in my profile? Astrology is the vestigial-tailed, microcephalic, basement-dwelling third cousin of legitimate Astronomy. What it lacks in understanding of physical principles is made worse by its total inability to predict anything.

  I don’t want to give anyone who wanders across my profile reason to suspect that I subscribe to an idiotic pseudoscience, and I resent the fact that I don’t have the option of removing this item from my profile. Why is it that my height, a measurable, observable figure, is an optional profile item, but an arbitrary assignation of a star sign is fixed and not subject to removal? I should be able to choose whether or not this field is viewable in my profile. Tom, let’s get on that.

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MySpace: A Place For Ridiculously Overactive Spam Filters

July 18th, 2008 by Oskar Kennedy

As you might have noticed, I have a MySpace page. I’m not a big fan of webcam whores, adult dating spam and illiterate teenagers, but it’s convenient for keeping in contact with some old friends. I occasionally even meet someone new who I might like to make an Internet friend, and MySpace is good for that too.

A few dozen people have elected to connect to me on MySpace, and I wanted to let them know that I’d moved my web-spewings here from Ask LBB. Unfortunately, MySpace has decided that I’m a dirty, baby-eating spammer, and it keeps blocking links when I try to post them.

I tried sending a bulletin, and it replaced my link with a link to a page warning about phishing and viruses. Plan B was a blog post, which resulted in the same electronic gelding.

Why can’t I communicate my news with these people who have chosen – wisely or not – to connect to me? I managed to send a customer support email (without profanity, for once), but so far I haven’t heard back. Further bulletins as events warrant.

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