Posts Tagged ‘romance’


Wish Hard For A Boyfriend With A Brain

March 26th, 2007 by Oskar Kennedy

Dear LBB,
  My boyfriend has been reading “The Secret” — with a highlighter and taking notes! Is he trying to tell me something?
Thanks,
- Jen

Dear Jen,
  Whether he’s trying to or not, you boyfriend is telling you that he’s a credulous, vacuous fucktard. Unless he’s a book reviewer, or he’s taking notes for an article debunking its obviously frivolous claims, your boyfriend is falling hard for the silly notion that the “Law of Attraction” will allow him to acquire things simply by thinking really hard about them.

  You should ask him exactly what he’s trying to attract. If he’s wishing hard for the money to buy you a wedding ring, then he’s telling you he loves you. He’s a credulous, vacuous, romantic fucktard. If he wants the Universe to drop a busty blonde in his lap, then his motives are far more suspect. He’s a credulous, vacuous, unfaithful fucktard. Unless, of course, you’re the busty blonde he’s wishing for. In that case he’s a credulous, vacuous, horny fucktard.

  In other news, I’ve discovered that it is impossible to overuse the word “fucktard.”

[x-posted from Ask The Little Bald Bastard]

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If you like it then you shoulda put some pears on it.

March 17th, 2009 by Jenn DiSanto

I’m going to Jamaica with friends in June, and while sifting through all the materials we got from the resort, there’s a page for their “Match Made in Paradise” option, which I guess is for the Romantic Fella who’s proposing to his lady on the trip. (Or, you know, to his fella, or whatever pleases you.)

Ladies, did you know that “every woman dreams of the moment their loved one will get down on bended knee and say those four magic words?” Says so right here. So, the obvious question: what four “magic” words do YOU dream of hearing?

A few options come to mind…

“Here’s a new car.”

“I hired a housekeeper.”

“You got the job!”

“We won $50 grand.”

“Here are some pancakes.”

I can’t imagine why I’m still single, can you? ;)

Anyway, one of the features of this package (heh) is: “proposal carved in fruit.” I shit you not, guys. Apparently, you can propose with cantaloupe.

That’s hot. For serious, all women want that. Am I right, ladies? “Will you marry me?” spelled out in grapes? How could I resist?

I have to say, I want to get married, and I even have a person in mind, but I have not once dreamed of that. Suck it, perpetuator!

P.S. OMG, for those who get married at the resort? They have a wedding coordinator, non-denominational ceremony, yada yada, but also… FREE CAKE and, no joke, commemorative shirts for the bride and groom. Oh, hell. We all know I’ll do damn near anything for a free t-shirt and some cake. Bring on the kiwi!

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