Who Writes
Oskar Kennedy is a law student at Anonymous University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. By day, he’s appalled at the influence of superstition and blind belief on contemporary culture, politics and education. By night, he’s asleep.
Oskar is married to a lovely woman, and they are expecting their first child. He finds it inexplicably hilarious to write about himself in the third person
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Waldorf Van Buren is an accomplished hunter, trapper, and gatherer of obscure pop culture references.
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Camilla Carter is an editor by day, a job so ass-numbingly dull that it was only a matter of time before she adopted a Muppet/President persona and came crawling back to Suburban Panic!, desperate for a return to her public navel-gazing of yore.
Aside from an unhealthy fascination with The Girls Next Door, Camilla has little to no shame about her pop culture junkie-hood, including but not limited to memorized standup comedy bits and an uncanny ability to recall at the drop of a hat all the actors’ names from Blossom. She has an on-again/off-again relationship with the serial comma, and a severe aversion to dusting her apartment.
In her free time, Camilla enjoys martinis, bar trivia, booksignings, and non-insipid chick-lit. She likes Whole Foods, but prefers Wegmans, because sometimes Mama needs Pop-Tarts (and given proper provocation and hormone levels, she’d bitch-slap your mom to get ‘em).
Camilla’s life goals include finding a place to live that doesn’t have any major sewage problems, creating her own sundae for Cold Stone Creamery, and getting just in shape enough to not get winded while brushing her teeth.
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Scooter Grant was born in Ohio in 1822. She attended college on an ROTC scholarship but dropped out before completing her B.A. (Mixology). After a tour of duty in Iraq during the first Gulf War, she settled in Philadelphia, where she’s now the resident stage manager at that city’s Appomattox Vaudeville Theatre. Though completely tone deaf, Scooter is also the road manager of the well-known funk ensemble Mr. Teeth and the Magnetic Havoc.
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